Thursday 27 February 2014

How We Raise Our Children? 我们如何教育我们的孩子?

以下是一位佛友的分享,关于他们如何教育他们的孩子。

这个分享,不是要得到什么,不是为了自夸,只因为一位师父的提议,因为他的孩子是那么优秀,非常孝敬长辈,有礼貌,爱助人等。这位佛友也很谦虚,拖了很久,终于把他们的密秘整理出来,让大家参考。

虽然我也有一些自己的个人方法教育孩子,但这位佛友的许多方法都很值得我们的参考和接纳。一些你不认同的观点,欢迎和我们分享。谢谢。

[为了尊重这位佛友,以下是没有删改之下全文刊出。原文是以英文写出的]

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A. OUR BACKGROUND
我们的背景

1.    Both of us learn Dhamma together during our tertiary education period.
我们都是在同一间大学教育期间一起学习佛法。

2.    We stay in same Buddhist House and mix with many other Buddhist friends and involved in many Buddhist activities.
我们住在同一间佛友之家,和其他许多佛教的朋友接触和参与许多有关佛教的活动。

3.    Although our parents do not stay with us, we make effort to visit them regularly at hometown or invite them over to our home.
虽然我们的父母没有和我们住在一起,我们做出努力,定期到家乡探访他们或邀请他们到我们家。

4.    Make phone call to our parents every week.
每个星期我们会打电话给我们的父母。

5.    We support of both our parents financially and words of encouragement.
我们提供财力于我们的父母和给于他们鼓励。

6.    We never argue with our parents. Normally we silence for any disagreement because argument lead to more harm than good we believe. Our parents have many years of life experience, they must have good reason.
我们从来不和我们的父母争吵。当发生意见分歧时,我们选择沉默,因为我们相信任何纠纷会带来更多伤害和很少益处。我们的父母有多年的生活经验,他们的决定一定有自己的理由。

7.    We understand that our children will know very well how we treat our parents.
我们知道,我们的孩子会也很清楚知道我们如何对待我们的父母。

B.       OUR PRE-AGREEMENT BEFORE MARRIAGE
婚前协议

(1)  Before we marriage, both of us already agree on certain area of what tasks each of us unlikely to do due to our childhood experience or some shortcoming no need to tell.
我们在结婚前,我们俩已经协定好有些事是我们不想和不可能做的,这是因为我们一些童年的经历或缺点。

(2)  We have decided not to have quarrel family.
我们决定不要有争吵的家庭。

(3)  We don’t interrupt in the affair of the other in-law family trouble, because each of us knows best their own family background.
我们不去干涉对方家庭所发生烦恼的事情,因为我们每个人最清楚知道自己的家庭背景。

(4)  Whoever partner got capability in the running of the task in the family, have to do quietly and happily do without a single word.
谁有能力胜任某项家庭任务时,他就需安静,愉快地去完成而不需发出任何怨言。

C.      HOW WE TREAT AND RAISE CHILDREN
我们如何对待和抚养我们的孩子

(1)  We like other people children before we have our own children.
我们在还没有孩子前,我们都喜欢/欣赏别人的孩子。

(2)  We believe each child is individual and their own strength and weak characters. We appreciate they was born to become part of our family members.
我们相信每个孩子都是独特自主的,拥有自己优缺点。我们欢迎他们诞生成为我们家庭的一位成员。

(3)  Most of time avoid compare our child with our other child or other people’s children because children don’t like it at all.
我们尽量避免做比较,孩子与孩子或与别人的孩子做比较,因为孩子都不喜欢比较。

(4)  Older children been guide on to welcome the new addition in the house to avoid sibling rivals. We always remind the children that all the children are papa and mama children. No one is above each other and should not get any privilege treatment in the name of better child. Each of them is individual.
我们教导年长儿子如何欢迎新增成员,以避免孩子之间的 竞争。我们时时提醒孩子,所有的孩子都是爸爸妈妈的孩子。没有人能超越对方,也不能因为自己要成为更好的孩子而要得到任何特别待遇。每个孩子都是一个个体的。

(5)  We involve children in all house work activities like washing clothes, throw rubbish, washing plate. So far, we have part time maid to clean our house.
我们让孩子参与所有的家务活动,比如清洗,处理垃圾桶,洗碗碟等。到目前为止,我们是有兼职女佣来帮忙打扫我们的房子。

(6)  We advise our children to set time finished play computer games. We don’t encourage to children to play shooting or read horror story book.
我们建议我们的孩子设定玩电脑游戏的时间。我们不鼓励孩子玩枪击游戏或阅读恐怖故事书。

(7)  We have a white board in their bedroom for them to write whatever they feel to write to give them avenue to express their thought.
我们在孩子的卧室准备一个白板,让他们写任何他们觉得想写的东西。也让他们有一个的途径来表达自己的思想。

(8)  We captured all the happy moment in the photo and frame up in their room and house. Each children have own favourite photo to have them display in our home.
我们拍摄孩子幸福快乐时刻的照片,并且把照片摆在房间和屋子里。每个孩子都有自己喜好的照片,并且摆在我们的家显示。

(9)  We reward children for their good result and praise for their goods behaviour.
当我们的孩子有好的成绩时我们会给以奖励,并且也赞扬他们良好的品行和行为。

(10)               We let our children to choose their own foods available on table and not to force which one must eat. Foods matter is one of the most sensitive matters for each human being. We discourage children to drink with ice in the morning or raining day.
我们让我们的孩子自己选择桌上所准备好的食物。食物是每个人最敏感的事项之一。我们不鼓励孩子在早晨或阴雨天喝冰。

(11)               Listen to your children attentively, especially when children want talk to us. We will either switch off the radio when in the car or put away other works.
我们用心倾听孩子,尤其是当孩子想与我们讲话或讨论:如果在车里我们会关掉收音机或暂停其他工作。

(12)               We spend time together with them after work by being present with them in the living room rather than everyone busy with their own computer or in their own room.
我们下班后花时间和他们一同在客厅里,而不是每个人都忙于处理自己的电脑工作或躲去自己的房间。

(13)               Children being train to help us and help their siblings in the daily works.
我们教导我们孩子帮助我们,并且兄弟姐妹间也互相协助处理日常事务。

(14)               Always remind our children this is our home, should not be calculative and compare because we are one big family.
我们时时提醒我们的孩子,这是我们的家,不应该计较和比较,因为每一位都是家庭的成员。

(15)               We don’t condemn our spouse to our children.
我们不向孩子谴责我们的配偶。

(16)               We send our children to Sunday service and Sunday dhamma school start 5 years old to make them to become helpful and learn good character like respect is important in life. They learn basis chanting and meditation with group of Buddhist friends which I believe will be safer place for them to mix with. They are less harm to my children in term of bad behaviour.
我们的孩子在5岁便去参加周日佛学服务和周日佛学班。这让他们学习和懂的乐于助人和学习良好的品格比如尊重(生命中最重要品行之一)。他们与一群佛教的小朋友学一起习诵经和禅定。我相信他们是在一个安全的地方,很少不良行为的地方,这减少对我的孩子坏的影响。

(17)               My children learn drama, singing, attend family camp trip, children camp, and observe of eight precepts, outing to Nature Park, and charity work of fund raising activities of our Buddhist society, Kinrara Metta Buddhist Society.
我的孩子学习话剧,唱歌,参加家庭露营之旅,儿童营,授八戒,郊游,参观自然公园,以及参加金銮慈爱佛学会筹款活动等工作。

(18)               My children eat regular food and we don’t allow ask for other foods than what was serve on table and appreciate it. We eat less pork because previously we have live in maid from Indonesia. If the children don’t want to eat, we don’t persuade them and let them hungry a bit because the children will be fine, no eating for one dinner or lunch. Children will find own food when they hungry or ask from us later.
我们的让孩子食用正规的食物,我们不容许他们选择桌上以外的食物和要他们食用任何准备的食物。我们少吃猪肉,因为以前我们有雇用印尼女佣。如果孩子不愿意吃,我们不说服他们,我们让他们饿了一下。孩子没有吃一个晚餐或午餐是没有事的。他们饿时,孩子们会自己找食物或要求我们提供。

(19)               We would like to bring our children for a short trip to nature surrounding or visit their grandparents and aunty and uncle and cousin on regular basis. Seldom to shopping complex.
我们常常带我们的孩子到大自然环境地方短暂旅行或定期探访他们的爷爷奶奶和亲戚等,很少去商场。

(20)               We always set example by raise earlier in the morning and sleep before 12.00 p.m. always set rule for our children not to sleep exceed 12.00 p.m.
我们总是做好模范,早睡(12点前)早起,并且规定孩子不超过12点睡觉。

(21)               Initially we do make mistake because we as parent want image, we want our children to be what they are not naturally they want to be. This is our mistake at the beginning.
刚开始时我们也有犯错,因为我们作为父母想要保持形象,我们要我们的孩子这样或那样,但这不是他们,也不符合他们自然成长。这是我们刚开始所犯的错误。

(22)               We also sacrifice children time in our early parenthood where we focus more on career and money matters rather than time supposed to be with our children. It is a learning mistake.
孩子年幼时,我们牺牲了一些时间专注于有关事业或金钱的事项,并以为这是他们需要的,其实应花更多时间陪伴他们,因为他们都还很年幼,这是我们学习过程之一。

(23)               Every evening, we encourage our children to go playground to have some games with neighbour’s children because children need to mix around socially to boarded their view and can get along well with others and exercise will keep them healthy.
每天旁晚,我们会鼓励我们的孩子去操场上与邻居家的孩子玩游戏,因为孩子们需要融入社会,开阔他们的视野,并学习如何和其他人相处。另外运动也让他们更健康。

(24)               We don’t scold our children most of the time; we just spoke to them and guide them on the wrong attitude and character which is not acceptable. We are firm on certain principles such as respect and courtesy to senior and elder people.
我们很少责骂我们的孩子,多数时候我们会解释和引导他们,告诉他们那些是错误的态度和不能接受的性格。我们是对某些原则是很坚定的,比如对年长者尊重和有礼貌。

(25)               We don’t cane our children when we are angry or our own emotion not stable, we do cane when our emotion is stable and children make big mistake, any not well behaviour is parent fault we believe.  We accept they do wrongly.
当我们生气或我们的情绪不稳定时,我们不鞭打我们的孩子。当我们的情绪是稳定时,我们会鞭打我们的孩子,尤其是当孩子犯上很大的错误。我们相信任何错误是父母的问题,我们也接受他们会犯错的。

(26)               We guide our children to respect the elder and senior. We do hug and kiss their grandparent and encourage the children to do the same. Every night before sleep and before we go to work. We communicate with our children.
我们教导我们的孩子要尊重长辈和前辈。我们拥抱,亲吻他们的祖父母,也鼓励我们的孩子 像我们一样做。每天晚上睡觉前和上班前,我们会与孩子沟通。

(27)               Check what they experience in school and get to know their activities.
我们会检查他们在学校有什么体验并了解他们的活动。

(28)               We ensure the home environment is happy, peacefully and no disturb noise.
我们确保家居环境是幸福,平静和无干扰的。

(29)               We mostly try to have our children at our side at all time and to ensure all family always together wherever we go if we can. This is important to maintain the close family relationship.
不管任何时候,我们尽量让我们的孩子都在我们身边,并确保所有的家庭成员无论在哪里都在一起。这是非常重要于保持亲密的家庭关系。

(30)               We don’t talk bad thing of other people or other family members, we shared good things and always positive on the good thing and achievement of other people as the life guide.
我们不说其他人或其他家庭成员的坏事,我们分享好的东西和其他人积极的成就,作为我们生活的指南。

(31)               Before sleep, we try to make sure our children not cry or fighting among each other or see any bad / scary movie.
睡觉之前,我们尽量确保我们的孩子不会哭或彼此纠纷,或观看任何坏/恐怖电影。

(32)               We sometime go to see movie together during school holiday limited to certain types of non violent movies. Prefer happy ending story or comedy.
有些时候,我们在学校假期里会带他们看电影,但仅限于某些非暴力电影。最好是喜欢大团圆结局的故事或是喜剧。

(33)               We don’t give the entire best thing to children in life even though we able to afford it. Children need to be raise with lacking certain things to get then some motivation and some thing to look forwards. We give when we feel they need it and not they want it.
我们不会给最好的东西或安排给孩子,即使我们能够负担得起。孩子必须学习在缺乏某些东西或事项去争取,通过努力去获得。我们给当我们觉得他们需要,而不是他们想要的。
(34)               Let them set their own goals in school activities, academic and co-curriculum.
我们让他们自己设立在学校的目标,学业成绩和课外活动等。

(35)               We recognise each every child have their own strength and weakness, let them set goal and rewards accordingly..
我们了解每一个孩子都有自己的优点和弱点,我们让他们自己设置目标和奖励.

(36)               We guide our children to share their toys, food or even clothing.
我们引导我们的孩子和别人分享自己的玩具,食品,甚至衣服。

(37)               We explain to our children to appreciate whatever they have based on their visit to their poor and rich friends house.  Let them mix around with different level of family background to guide them to appreciate or contented what they have.
我们带孩子访问不同能力(有钱和较穷)朋友的家。让孩子和不同程度和家庭背景小朋友交流,引导他们学会欣赏或满足自己所拥有的。

(38)               They are guided to respect all the elder or senior even though elder or senior do wrong but not need have to agree everything elder do.
他们被教导去尊重所有的长辈或前辈,即使长辈或前辈犯错,但并不需要他们同意一切长辈所做的。

(39)               Communicate on their future plan.
我们和他们沟通关于他们未来的计划。

(40)               Need to be very patient and repeat to ask and guide them to do works they not use to do at home until they accept the task is their own responsibilities.
我们需要非常耐心,并重复询问和引导他们做他们不熟练的家庭任务,直到他们接受并当成这是他们的责任。

(41)               We admit our mistake if we do wrongly.
如果我们有犯任何错误,我们会承认我们的错误。

(42)               On spouse, we tolerate & giving each other, both ways communicate and loving each other everyday.  Accept each other imperfection so that not create own stress to your own and your family members. To check own emotion very important.
在配偶,我们互相容忍,互相维持良好沟通和互相爱对方。我们互相接受对方的缺点,这样才不会给自己或家人压力。时时检查自己的情绪是非常重要的。

(43)               If one of us angry, the other partner keep quite.
如果我们其中一人愤怒,另一个伴侣会保持安静。

(44)               We believe we need to save our self first before can save our family.
我们相信,我们有必要先帮助我们自己,才能帮助我们的家庭。

(45)               Initial we worry a lot about our children not clever, no money to study, no money to live, not do well enough as parents. Then we correct ourselves that every child has their own destiny, with what they bring with them in this world.
刚开始时我们非常担心我们的孩子不够聪明,没钱读书,没钱生活,我们不是好家长。后来我们纠正我们自己,每个孩子都有自己的命运,自己的业,带到这个世界。

(46)               We learn not to force our children to achieve what we as parent want them to do but instead support them on what our children wish to accomplish.
我们学会不要强迫孩子实现自己做父母想要他们达到的理想,而是去支持和协助孩子完成他们想要的理想。

(47)               We do some testing on children at certain time on how helpful they are, how they think whether correct way, this is to ensure they are on right direction.
我们有时会测试一下孩子,了解他们是否喜欢帮助别人,他们是怎么想,是否他们的想法正确等,这是为了确保他们处在正确的方向。

(48)               We love our children in our heart but do not show too obvious to them, so that they are not pampered.
我们在心里非常爱我们的孩子,但我们不会表现得太明显,以避免宠坏他们。

(49)               We do not want to push our goals on our children.
我们不想把我们自己的目标,实施于我们的孩子身上。

(50)               We don’t let children take advantage on us.. Such as whatever they want always give.
我们不让孩子操控我们,比如要什么就给什么。

(51)               Always remind them on their responsibilities and duty as children.
我们时时提醒他们作为孩子的责任和义务。

(52)               We don’t repeat said many times that will cause stress to children; we say truth and not lie to our children.
我们不要重复说过很多次,这会引起孩子压力;我们说真话,我们不欺骗孩子。

(53)               Teach children grateful in whatever they have. By showing and sharing the story of disadvantage children from newspaper or television.
我们时时教孩子感恩他们所拥有的一切。并通过报纸或电视分享那些不辛儿童的故事。

(54)               We regular talk about their daily experience about school homework and school friends.
我们时时谈关于他们在学校的经历,包括功课和学校的朋友的事。

(55)               We create their own capability to know what is good and what is bad. Do homework in advance, cut down computer games, own awareness thru own thinking thru their failure and always support them in all situation.
我们教导他们有能力知道什么是好,什么是坏。先做功课,减少玩电脑游戏,通自己的思想和意识,了解为什么会失败和一直给予他们面对各种情况的鼓励。

D.      CONCLUSION
结论

(1)  Children are reflection of our own action as parent.
孩子是我们自己的行为的反影。

(2)  Children make us growth in wisdom and compassion.
孩子让我们增长智慧和慈悲。


  
欢迎你们提供你教导孩子的心得。感恩。